after skipping training two weeks in a row (one, because i was being hammered with a 70 hour workweek, and the other, because i just was too tired with everything to go), both b and i showed up this week only to have our asses handed to us about not being better to ourselves about the diet we should be on. really, the diet we should be on consists of fresh veggies, little to no sugar and little to no refined flour. what our diet actually consists of is fresh veggies, fried veggies, chips, koala yummies, french bread, and boba milk tea. most of the latter part stemming from my inability to cope with long workweeks, money (or lack of and/or massive debt), and wedding planning.

it’s pretty bad. the cycle is the same. stress begets stress eating begets spare tire. i know this. i am fully aware and yet completely fully sensitive about the subject. however, the only thing different about this was our trainer giving us a friendly little lecture toward the end of the class. she told us that she couldn’t stress enough that diet was a huge part of the equation. yes, i get it. having come from a child/teenhood where diet was only but ALWAYS stressed and always made note of, i totally. get it. having had a rocky (to say the least) relationship with food as a result of said childhood, i get it, i do.

but i just didn’t expect to come home to see a blog post by said trainer expelling exactly the same things she talked about to us in person. it was so obviously written about/to us that it even had some of the exact same wordisms she said to us in person. i also get that she probably wrote this as a wake up call to others (not just obvs lil’ me). what i really didn’t get was why she thought the timing of this, coupled with the almost judgmental tone she took, thought this would be appropriate to post where myself, her client, would see it not longer than an hour after having seen her.

when i had decided to embark on the stupidly money-draining idea of going to a trainer, my criteria included mainly one thing: to not be judged, no matter how much i could do (or not do). i realize there will be no results if i do not strive for them, but fuck, this is not my strong suit. and for the first time, i felt like my trainer was looking at me with judgey eyes. being disappointed that things weren’t on track and feeling the need the air it on her public blog. i would think that most people would react to it positively. oh yeah, i’ll do better. i’ll stop eating crap. no, not me. i read it and promptly wanted to drink some more. alcoholism begets alcoholism. it’s a pretty bad cycle. it’s like knowing you fucked up, asking for help because you fucked up with the stipulation that you don’t get lectured, but you get lectured anyway. and it never makes it better, it just makes you feel more like shit.

but well, at least i’ll have that extra money in my pocket from now on.

1. conniek posted this