aaaand it’s back to square one. new wedding planner. no secured caterer. redesigning the general space. added 200 more paper cutouts to do and 100 more garlands to make. oddly, never happier or busy-stressed.
June 20, 2011
June 16, 2011
four months
so it’s apparently a little under four months until my wedding. does it seem real? nope. we have half of our living room dedicated to bags and bags of shit from moskatels, michaels, joann’s, and various other places. just bags of absolute crap. special diy projects we were probably supposed to have done by now. but what have we gotten done? i bought a dress. brian bought a suit. hooray? my dress has hella wrinkles in it as i bought it off the rack, on a total whim. we also haven’t you know, booked anything for after the wedding, except for k’s wedding.
it’s also at the point where we both start really worrying about the fact that we don’t have a catering contract and some other things that i probably shouldn’t be mentioning in a public forum (even though all three of you are really good with secrets i’m sure). but it’s nail-biting time. so let me be clear here, we have NOTHING DONE.
i’m also so insanely stressed lately that my hair seems to be falling out by the handfuls. ahhhhhhhh. must. fucking. calm. down.
lee-pace-a-thon on netflix? yes.. calm.
fuck, i’m getting married guys!
May 26, 2011
crying for 10 minutes in the women’s bathroom? check. yawning to pretend that that’s the reason why your eyes are red and watery? check check.
May 18, 2011
nightmares!
i had my first official wedding nightmare last night! after having a pretty stressful day, i decided to get some much needed sleep to be able to keep on my toes for wednesday. i basically passed out around 11 or so, after brian running out to presumably post something i was mumbling about in my half-awake stupor.
i can remember getting married, having a doppelganger, and having nothing of what i wanted my wedding to look like be actually in the wedding. i was also something like 500 pounds, a sausage stuffed into white lace, because i apparently didn’t have time to lose weight before the wedding (but apparently had time to gain hundreds of pounds). we were in some fancy gossip-girl-esque ballroom and my doppelganger was making my entrance for me. i was supposed to be out of sight while she was to do my social bidding. we met eyes, everyone gasped and i apparently ruined my whole wedding.
no more giant burritos before bed. seriously.
May 12, 2011
can’t deal with people saying effin anymore. i tried dealing with it, then tried using it a few times, but i’ve now come full circle and can openly admit to fucking hating it when people say effin _____. JUST SAY FUCK.
March 30, 2011
it’s been really trying this week. i went from having two glorious semi-lazypants days of paid time off to coming home, defeated, back arched in, wanting to cry as i took the dog out for a walk. when i come home like that, i tend to make food, because i am a stress eater. i know my weight fluctuations are a vicious fucking circle, and today was certainly no exception. i was doing pretty well too - losing the 7 or so pounds i gained from beer bingeing the last two months.
i made two dinners tonight - i tend to overcook so i have leftovers for lunch the next day, but even i knew it was a lot of food. i don’t even know how much of it i ate but i remember collapsing onto the couch in a haze. i also washed up most of the dishes so i wouldn’t be faced with the guilt of “dear, you used all these dishes to make your dinner?” shame, shame, shame.
i think i’m just coming to realize that i’m almost 30 (holy fucking hell i’m almost 30) and i really don’t like where my life is. most of my free time has been spent organizing a wedding and balancing out my finances (which are always in a constant state of pre-explosion) - it’s hardly fun. i don’t go out to drink anymore because i won’t gain more weight. i don’t go out to eat anymore because it’s such a hassle eating out with teeth retainers. i don’t see anyone really because i feel like i’ve lost the ability to be social, or have a personality. maybe being in an office where no one speaks to you (or notices you’re there) at any point of the day will do that to you.
i prefer to be at home, sleeping. shame, shame.
March 10, 2011
ugh. nepotism.
March 9, 2011
i swear, if i hear “why don’t you do this like ________’s?” one more time, i will rip my (other) limbs off with my bare hands.
